Sports Roundup

How ‘bout that LeBron James? He’s so big and fast and scary and athletic. And what’s with that Shaq Trade? Did he and Kobe get in another fight?

OK, the coast is clear now, you can keep reading my brilliant personal blog while your neighbors think you’re reading about sports. It’ll be just like reading my idol, Bill Simmons.

As usual, I’ve been doing lots of musing lately. Read on…

When decorating your bedroom, you must always position the bed so that you’re facing the door when sleeping. It’s best to be prepared in case someone tries to assassinate you. Cuz, you know, it’s the little things…

I have manners, but whatever, I’m still the kind of guy who will jump all over that last slice of pizza or buffalo tender. Evolutionarily speaking, that’s a good thing.

When you live in a studio apartment, you do things like stack sheets or other bedroom items on the floor at the foot of your bed so that when you walk beyond that barrier you feel as if you’re leaving the bedroom and entering the living room. You’ve made a big psychological leap of progress when you realize all of life is pretty much like that.

Jack White is a musical genius like Prince or McCartney. Is that one in the books yet?



There are studies that find multi-tasking to be ultimately inefficient. I’m not so sure. Right now I’m trying to simultaneously listen to music (Soul Coughing), read a magazine (BUST), eat Doritos (Nacho Cheese), watch TV (toggling between MTV and Classic NBA), and use my laptop which has multiple windows open doing the following things: writing (this), reading (nytimes.com), sending emails (long lost friends), doing research on Spider-Man, downloading (The Wire), while taking breaks to smoke (cigarettes) and play guitar (pearl jam). It’s an orgy of stimulation and distraction. The result? Dorito-seasoning stained keyboard.

Everybody has become so obsessed with carbs and transfats that no one pays attention to sugar anymore. And the corn people are like, “Awesome, let’s make sure and get high fructose corn syrup in everything.” And they did.

If you really want to do something radical, do your hair like Mitch from the movie Real Genius. The hip kids will worship you.


Anthropologically speaking, a group of tribesmen dancing around in circles chanting and celebrating their food source is the same as a bar full of guys singing in unison to Journey.

The Spurs are going all the way! (wink)


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